Accentuate the Positive

I woke up yesterday with this song in my head:

I have been thinking A LOT about this concept lately. I have been wondering what it is in us that insists on focusing on our faults, deficits, and shortcomings.  What you feed grows and what you starve dies, right? Then WHY are we constantly feeding negative thoughts and perceptions and neglecting to appreciate and honor all of the wonderful things that we do and that we are? We are so careful to be kind and encouraging to those around us, why do we so rarely take the same care with ourselves?

I would encourage you to take some time to think about this. I think that we often feel that we have to focus on our weaknesses to make them strengths. We have to be "humble." I would submit that humility is not recognizing that you are powerless, but recognizing where your power comes from. Marianne Williamson has been famously quoted for expounding on this idea:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Could it really be true that not belittling ourselves could not only build us, but also build those around us? Could we actually grow and progress by focusing on what we would like to/can do well instead of what we aren't doing/can't do well? Could we really embrace who we are as exquisite daughters of a loving Father in Heaven without leaving anyone behind or become self-involved and prideful? Could it actually be true that weaknesses don't necessarily make us weak, but are individualized God-given gifts, given to help us become who He already knows we will be if we will work with him to smooth out the rough edges of our humanity?

I have so many more questions and I certainly don't have all of the answers, but I do know that God doesn't work by shaming, berating, or belittling us and neither should we.

She Will Find What Is Lost by Brian Kershisnik

You are more beautiful than you think you are

My friend Kelly posted this on facebook. I cried when I watched it:

Imagine if you were asked to explain your own beauty to someone. Would you struggle?
Yeah. You and the other 3.5 billion women on the planet.
The reality is that most of us can’t see our own beauty like the people around us can. We’re constantly underestimating ourselves. In fact, only 4% of women around the world consider themselves beautiful.
This video will change the way that you think and feel about your own beauty….
An FBI-trained forensic artist, Gil Zamora, created sketches of seven women who were hidden behind a curtain; he used their self-descriptions as the basis of his drawings. Prior to the session with Zamora, each of the women were also asked to spend some time with a stranger – without being told why. Zamora then also drafted sketches from the stranger’s depictions of the women.
And the result? Well, we’ll let you see for yourself.

Vulnerability!

If you don't already know, I LOVE Brene Brown. She is a shame researcher who has incredible insight that I think every woman should be familiar with. Here is some midweek brilliance for you. 

 "To be nobody-but-yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody but yourself - means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight- and never stop fighting.” 

- e.e. cummings

Have the courage to be imperfect. Have the compassion to be kind to yourself and others. Be willing to believe that what makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful.  

You are enough.
You are worthy.
You are loved. 

Guest Post: Becoming perfect. Being perfect, Growth.

A few weeks ago my friend Carrie, who is incredibly wise and insightful, shared some thoughts on what "becoming perfect" really means. I loved what she had to say and asked her if she would be willing to share. Lucky for us, she agreed:

When I graduated high school, I seemed pretty stereotypical of an over-achieving
American Mormon kid. I was a good student. I had talents. I am a Caucasian. I can
be cheerful. I worked hard. Up until that point, everything made sense. I didn’t have
sex cause I was too young and I didn’t want to get married or get pregnant. I didn’t
want to drink alcohol or do drugs because I saw the impacts of that on many of my
friends. I had amazing church leaders who truly served and exemplified Christ and
doing good. After graduating high school, I realized that there was a “traditional”
path that was in front of me that I was told would lead to my happiness and well-
being. Being a dutiful Mormon, I did my best to follow that path, but sometimes
at the cost of what I thought was really my true path. These points of divergence
from the “traditional path” and what felt like “my path” included transferring
from an aggressive art program to BYU, not going on a mission due to a prospect
of marriage, getting married young despite my desires to develop other talents
outside of a marriage, and trying to rationalize and defend aspects of church policy
or practice that fundamentally were opposed by my conscience. These points of
divergence left me feeling stagnant and somewhat powerless in many areas of my
life.

I believe that following this “traditional path” is the tool that many of use in our
pursuit to become perfect. Maybe for you this traditional path includes getting
married before the age of 25 and/or having 3-7 children before the age of 32. Maybe
for others it is having the angelic and meek nature of many women. For others it may
be becoming more domestic or serving all the time. For others it may be abiding by all
the rules from the handbook, even after your mission. For others it is about maintaining
that perfect figure. For others it may be avoiding pain. Many elements of this traditional
path are good and worthy aspects of what may constitute anyone’s path. But I
worry that we may be selling ourselves short by limiting our path and goals to these
basic checklist items that avoid pain, which may lead us to make decisions and take
actions which leave us feeling incomplete, unsatisfied, or stalled.

In an attempt to re-asses what “becoming perfect” was really about. I started
thinking about what I would tell my 18-year-old self. I would challenge her to
think about what would actually make her become the woman God wanted her to.
I would let her know that her feelings of being guided by God to work and travel
internationally and address gross human rights concerns were truly inspired. I
would let her know that she shouldn’t go to BYU because it was culturally such a
poor fit for her. That pain she saw around her in the form of poverty, depravity,
depression, etc. was not necessarily a sign of things going wrong that she had to fix,
but one more layer to the portrait that would become her image. I would let her
know that she should not be surprised that her dancing and artistry was not just a
hobby, but did not have to be a professional pursuit for it to be a gift from God that
she should maintain throughout her life. I would tell her that she should let the shelf
break that held all of her concerns about the church; this break would be the most
honest way for her to trust God and expand her faith.

In short, I would tell this 18 year old version of myself that most of the challenges
she might face would cause sorrow and may temporarily make her different than
others, but it would also produce a richness and texture in her life that would
create the layers and fullness that makes life worth living. I would remind her that
many of the layers on the canvas would be on top of each other covering pervious
understanding and image. But they would also add the literal depth to the painting.
Other times the paint would blend with elements from a previous tradition and
sometimes it would clash and a hard decision would need to be made about what
paint was to be used. But the overall goal, was that you ended up painting the
picture of what God wanted you to become in your life. As long as I’ve done that,
I’ve felt as though I’ve been honest with my God, with myself and am growing in a
way to become perfected through out life.

- Carrie

Easter Sunday

My Bishop recently remarked that Easter is the "highest holy day" for the Mormons. It is true. This is the day that we remember, honor, and celebrate all that our Savior has done for us. We celebrate his life and his sacrifice, both on Calvary and in Gethsemane. We celebrate his resurrection and the knowledge that we have that he lives. 

He does live. He cares for us deeply. He weeps with us when our hearts break. He stands by, always at the ready, to answer our cries for comfort. He loves us more than we can understand. In times of darkness or difficulty, he is the light that will bring us back home. 

At times, that guiding light may be obscured by the darkness of the world, or the weight of grief or difficulty that we carry, but it is always there, always bright, and always burning. And we can be assured that the darkness will always flee and that the light of Christ is all that will remain. There are such wonderful things in store for us.

I am grateful for hope. I am grateful for perspective. I am grateful for loving reminders that so often come just when I need them. I am grateful for the knowledge of a loving Savior. I am grateful to know that he knows me. I am so grateful to know that I can trust him. I am grateful to know that because of the atonement of Jesus Christ, Sunday WILL always come.  

As this Easter Sunday is coming to a close, I just wanted to share a little portion of one of my favorite talks from Elder Wirthlin.  

"The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God:

And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together.

For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,

Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Romans 8:16-18, 38-39

Happy Easter!

Love from Elder Holland

Elder Holland spoke at the Silicon Valley Education Conference 2 weeks ago. He is an incredible man and a very powerful speaker. He focused on how much the Lord loves us, and that  He loves us as we are. He told us to remember that, "God loves broken things."  I think it is true that the Lord gives us extra care/takes extra care when we are suffering. He is so aware of what we are going through. He knows what we are going through, he knows our hearts, he knows our tears, and he also knows what we are to become - which is something glorious. He never forgets our worth. He never forgets who we are to him - his very, very  precious children. How different would our lives be if we could never forget how loved we are of God?  

Just in case you could use a little reminder, these quotes come from Elder Holland's talk, Because of Your Faith. 

"In whatever country you live, however young or inadequate you feel, or however aged or limited you see yourself as being, I testify you are individually loved of God, you are central to the meaning of His work, and you are cherished and prayed for by the presiding officers of His Church. The personal value, the sacred splendor of every one of you, is the very reason there is a plan for salvation and exaltation. Contrary to the parlance of the day, this is about you. No, don’t turn and look at your neighbor. I am talking to you!

...I have struggled to find an adequate way to tell you how loved of God you are and how grateful we on this stand are for you. I am trying to be voice for the very angels of heaven in thanking you for every good thing you have ever done, for every kind word you have ever said, for every sacrifice you have ever made in extending to someone—to anyone—the beauty and blessings of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

...No one of you is insignificant, in part because you make the gospel of Jesus Christ what it is—a living reminder of His grace and mercy, a private but powerful manifestation in small villages and large cities of the good He did and the life He gave bringing peace and salvation to other people."