Guest Post: Sphere of Influence

So as I finished the Bieber movie I had the realization that I have done nothing with my life.

Before you invalidate that statement with your supportive comments, just go with me on it, ok?

How many famous people can you count? There are historical figures, and current celebrities, and people who've made great advances, and even small stories that make the news and lots of people here about. For good or ill, there are a lot of people who've made a big difference in this world. Even JB has made difference. (link: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/01/06/justin-bieber-visits-7-year-old-cancer-patient-utah-hospital_n_2421604.html)

So what in the world am I doing and what should I do? How can I make a difference in someone's life in a big enough way? Aren't we here to help one another? Are not all people of infinite worth? Are others not as deserving as myself? Don't give me the platitudes about "In the world you might just be one person, but to one person you might be the world' or tell me about making a difference to star fish. Let's be real, dude. The facts are these: the world is full of problems and I have something the world needs but it's not enough and that's discouraging.

For example, I was at Dollywood of all places. That week was the Festival of Nations which meant that performers from all over the world were there to feature their countries. There were German stilt polka dancers (talk about a niche job) and some cafe singers from France and mariachis and this kid's singing group from Namibia. That singing group was adorable and sooo good. Then we learned that all of these adorable kids were orphans who's parents had died or abandoned them and the kids were traveling on behalf of their orphanage raising money. Oh, and they only get chicken on Christmas. Talk about ripping my heart out. You can come live with me and I will be your mother and I will give you everything (and all you have to do is give up your culture and everything you know and there will be chicken everyday!). I wanted to save them all. I want to save everyone. Paralyzing and frustrating.

A few days after Dollywood I was in Atlanta touring all the MLK sites and keeping the Namibian children in the back of my mind at all times. At the museum I read about an experience from Dr King during his time in Birmingham, leading the bus boycotts. Dr. King was a preacher from Atlanta. He was asked to lead out in Birmingham because the pastors there, if the boycott didn't work, had too much to lose. Dr King, well he could just go back to Atlanta. So he moved his family there. One night he got a phone call from someone calling him horrible names and threatening him that if he went through with all of it, he'd regret it. Dr. King was understandably upset and couldn't sleep. He went to the kitchen of his house and brainstormed ways that he could exit leadership without seeming like a coward. He was discouraged and depressed (which is a point I think every great leader overcomes because every leader has that moment). Then he began to feel God's presence and a voice seemed to tell him that he had to stand up for righteousness and do God's work. He went forward. A few days later his house was bombed.

Amazing story, no? He was so dedicated to a cause, a mission, that he eventually gave his life for it. To be so influential and make such an impact! *Sigh* Um.... something I noticed however - Dr King did absolutely nothing for orphans in Namibia.

What? Yes. I must point out that Dr King did a great work but, um, he left some people out. He did nothing for Jews in pograms, nothing for the foster care system, nothing for oppression in South America, nothing against the Taliban, nothing for Cubans.

Ok, ok, so you can't save everyone, but who do you save when all are such worthy causes? How do you decide that the orphans get my attention but I'll forget about oppressive political systems.

A few days later I was talking to a friend who lives in Denver. He was telling me how he'd taken a homeless man to dinner and then decided to pay for this man's cell phone. I found the story sweet but thought to myself, "You can't go around doing that. I mean, you can't just do dinner and cell phones for every homeless person." And I'd be right. It'd be unsustainable.

A few days later (am I reinforcing the principle of "line upon line" enough?) I got an email at work about a former coworker who now has stage 4 cancer and there would be a fundraiser held for him. The email invited me to the fundraiser and/or to donate to his care. I seriously had the thought, "I can't just give money to everyone who has cancer!" And I'd be right. Then a still small voice pointed out that the platitudes are right. I can't help every star fish/cancer patient, but I could help this one.

Let's consider this poem quoted by President Thomas S Monson.

Father, where shall I work today?

And my love flowed warm and free.

Then He pointed out a tiny spot

And said, “Tend that for me.”

I answered quickly, “Oh no; not that!

Why, no one would ever see,

No matter how well my work was done;

Not that little place for me.”

And the word He spoke, it was not stern;

He answered me tenderly:

“Ah, little one, search that heart of thine.

Art thou working for them or for me?

Nazareth was a little place,

And so was Galilee.”

 

The thing is that I can't do and be everything for everyone, but I can do something for some people. And who should those people be? Whomever the Lord puts in my path - a coworker, a client, a friend, the homeless made, the city of Birmingham. Even Jesus Christ, who literally saved the word, had a relatively small sphere of influence during his short life. Am I greater than He?
So I'm donating to the coworker, I'm visiting teaching, I'm kind to those with whom I work, and I look for chances to make a difference. And I believe the Lord will put me where he wants me so that, on some scale, I can make a MLK difference in my our sphere of influence.

Can I beg you to read just a little more?

Ok, so I've established that we all have spheres of influence. And you are hopefully looking at your life and going, "OK, this is 'tiny spot.'" I'd like to proposed however, that in a lifetime we maybe have many "spots," that our spheres change from time to time.

Consider this from Elder Uchtdorf (link: http://www.lds.org/broadcasts/article/general-young-women-meeting/2013/03/your-wonderful-journey-home?lang=eng)

 

"I can now look back on my life and recognize a number of such “journeys” I have taken over time. Not all of them involved crossing mountain ranges or political boundaries; some had more to do with overcoming trials or growing in spirituality. But they were all journeys. I believe that every life is a collection of individual “journey stories.”

I submit for ratification the idea that our spheres are little journeys. So for right now you spheres is what it is, but later it might be different. Julia Child was essentially a spy before she ever became a chef. We may end up with one great "sphere" but we'll at least have many sphere-journeys along the way.  

So enjoy this journey of influence and the next one. And know that you God will put you in the path of those whom you can best influence - that's your mission, should you choose to accept it. I hope the Biebs is enjoying his.

 

-Megan

 

  Martin Luther King Jr Memorial in Atlanta Georgia

Accentuate the Positive

I woke up yesterday with this song in my head:

I have been thinking A LOT about this concept lately. I have been wondering what it is in us that insists on focusing on our faults, deficits, and shortcomings.  What you feed grows and what you starve dies, right? Then WHY are we constantly feeding negative thoughts and perceptions and neglecting to appreciate and honor all of the wonderful things that we do and that we are? We are so careful to be kind and encouraging to those around us, why do we so rarely take the same care with ourselves?

I would encourage you to take some time to think about this. I think that we often feel that we have to focus on our weaknesses to make them strengths. We have to be "humble." I would submit that humility is not recognizing that you are powerless, but recognizing where your power comes from. Marianne Williamson has been famously quoted for expounding on this idea:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Could it really be true that not belittling ourselves could not only build us, but also build those around us? Could we actually grow and progress by focusing on what we would like to/can do well instead of what we aren't doing/can't do well? Could we really embrace who we are as exquisite daughters of a loving Father in Heaven without leaving anyone behind or become self-involved and prideful? Could it actually be true that weaknesses don't necessarily make us weak, but are individualized God-given gifts, given to help us become who He already knows we will be if we will work with him to smooth out the rough edges of our humanity?

I have so many more questions and I certainly don't have all of the answers, but I do know that God doesn't work by shaming, berating, or belittling us and neither should we.

She Will Find What Is Lost by Brian Kershisnik

You are more beautiful than you think you are

My friend Kelly posted this on facebook. I cried when I watched it:

Imagine if you were asked to explain your own beauty to someone. Would you struggle?
Yeah. You and the other 3.5 billion women on the planet.
The reality is that most of us can’t see our own beauty like the people around us can. We’re constantly underestimating ourselves. In fact, only 4% of women around the world consider themselves beautiful.
This video will change the way that you think and feel about your own beauty….
An FBI-trained forensic artist, Gil Zamora, created sketches of seven women who were hidden behind a curtain; he used their self-descriptions as the basis of his drawings. Prior to the session with Zamora, each of the women were also asked to spend some time with a stranger – without being told why. Zamora then also drafted sketches from the stranger’s depictions of the women.
And the result? Well, we’ll let you see for yourself.

Vulnerability!

If you don't already know, I LOVE Brene Brown. She is a shame researcher who has incredible insight that I think every woman should be familiar with. Here is some midweek brilliance for you. 

 "To be nobody-but-yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody but yourself - means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight- and never stop fighting.” 

- e.e. cummings

Have the courage to be imperfect. Have the compassion to be kind to yourself and others. Be willing to believe that what makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful.  

You are enough.
You are worthy.
You are loved. 

Guest Post: Becoming perfect. Being perfect, Growth.

A few weeks ago my friend Carrie, who is incredibly wise and insightful, shared some thoughts on what "becoming perfect" really means. I loved what she had to say and asked her if she would be willing to share. Lucky for us, she agreed:

When I graduated high school, I seemed pretty stereotypical of an over-achieving
American Mormon kid. I was a good student. I had talents. I am a Caucasian. I can
be cheerful. I worked hard. Up until that point, everything made sense. I didn’t have
sex cause I was too young and I didn’t want to get married or get pregnant. I didn’t
want to drink alcohol or do drugs because I saw the impacts of that on many of my
friends. I had amazing church leaders who truly served and exemplified Christ and
doing good. After graduating high school, I realized that there was a “traditional”
path that was in front of me that I was told would lead to my happiness and well-
being. Being a dutiful Mormon, I did my best to follow that path, but sometimes
at the cost of what I thought was really my true path. These points of divergence
from the “traditional path” and what felt like “my path” included transferring
from an aggressive art program to BYU, not going on a mission due to a prospect
of marriage, getting married young despite my desires to develop other talents
outside of a marriage, and trying to rationalize and defend aspects of church policy
or practice that fundamentally were opposed by my conscience. These points of
divergence left me feeling stagnant and somewhat powerless in many areas of my
life.

I believe that following this “traditional path” is the tool that many of use in our
pursuit to become perfect. Maybe for you this traditional path includes getting
married before the age of 25 and/or having 3-7 children before the age of 32. Maybe
for others it is having the angelic and meek nature of many women. For others it may
be becoming more domestic or serving all the time. For others it may be abiding by all
the rules from the handbook, even after your mission. For others it is about maintaining
that perfect figure. For others it may be avoiding pain. Many elements of this traditional
path are good and worthy aspects of what may constitute anyone’s path. But I
worry that we may be selling ourselves short by limiting our path and goals to these
basic checklist items that avoid pain, which may lead us to make decisions and take
actions which leave us feeling incomplete, unsatisfied, or stalled.

In an attempt to re-asses what “becoming perfect” was really about. I started
thinking about what I would tell my 18-year-old self. I would challenge her to
think about what would actually make her become the woman God wanted her to.
I would let her know that her feelings of being guided by God to work and travel
internationally and address gross human rights concerns were truly inspired. I
would let her know that she shouldn’t go to BYU because it was culturally such a
poor fit for her. That pain she saw around her in the form of poverty, depravity,
depression, etc. was not necessarily a sign of things going wrong that she had to fix,
but one more layer to the portrait that would become her image. I would let her
know that she should not be surprised that her dancing and artistry was not just a
hobby, but did not have to be a professional pursuit for it to be a gift from God that
she should maintain throughout her life. I would tell her that she should let the shelf
break that held all of her concerns about the church; this break would be the most
honest way for her to trust God and expand her faith.

In short, I would tell this 18 year old version of myself that most of the challenges
she might face would cause sorrow and may temporarily make her different than
others, but it would also produce a richness and texture in her life that would
create the layers and fullness that makes life worth living. I would remind her that
many of the layers on the canvas would be on top of each other covering pervious
understanding and image. But they would also add the literal depth to the painting.
Other times the paint would blend with elements from a previous tradition and
sometimes it would clash and a hard decision would need to be made about what
paint was to be used. But the overall goal, was that you ended up painting the
picture of what God wanted you to become in your life. As long as I’ve done that,
I’ve felt as though I’ve been honest with my God, with myself and am growing in a
way to become perfected through out life.

- Carrie